On Thursday, May 13, 2010, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Fortunately, all were straight and erupted through the gum (as opposed to impacting other teeth and buried) which meant I only required local freezing instead of being put under. Good work, wisdom teeth, you saved me a thousand dollars in the process of costing me nine hundred.
I arrived just before 8am with my girlfriend Dana by my side and by 8:25 I was done. The top two popped out like champagne corks in a toast to their freedom. The bottom two needed convincing but my surgeon, Dr. Chambers, carved them in half like a Christmas turkey and soon they too were free. I would have celebrated and voiced my thanks had I been able to speak in more than jumbled consonant and vowel sounds, but the doctor and staff seemed more than familiar with this sort of delivery. With me in tow, armed with a goodie bag of gauze, a prescription for Tylenol 3, and information sheet, Dana drove me home so I could recover.
Recovery from getting your wisdom teeth out is apparently different for everyone. For some, it’s an agonizing process that involves a great deal of swelling, bruising, and medicating. For others, it’s relatively quick and they’re up and at it after two days. I was closer to the two-day recovery. The first day I swelled up to the point where my lower jaw jutted out in a massive underbite which would have nicely matched a sloped forehead. If only I were a Neanderthal…. Moving on. Eating was a damn chore (although amusing to Dana) and I’m sure I dribbled more soup and blenderized food out my mouth and down my chin than I managed to get in. Have you ever eaten blenderized Vector cereal, milk, and a banana? It’s delicious. I wanted to do a steak the same way but Dana wasn’t having it. Next time.
Thanks to the T3 and Ibuprofen regiment, the swelling subsided by the late afternoon (or was it early evening?) and the pain was manageable. Sleep was a big help too. As he had promised, Dr. Chambers called to check up on how I was doing around 9pm. For a guy who had just willingly had his mouth trashed, I was fairly upbeat. Although, that may have been the T3s.
The next day I was back at work, well working from home. To ease the swelling, I had taken to tensor-bandaging bags of frozen peas and corn around my jaw. This nearly stopped the cable guy in his tracks and provided great amusement to my friends creeping on me on Facebook. For me, though, it was heaven. Again, that may have been the T3s. By Saturday I was starting to feel nauseas from the T3s (turn on me, will you, you bastards) so I switched over to extra-strength Tylenol and Ibuprofen and decided it was time to get back to living. Step one: drill a fence post hole. Step two: call and ask Call Before You Dig why the locate hadn’t been completed. Step three: abandon step one and go out to dinner and attempt to eat sushi. Step four: regret sushi and resume frozen vegetables applied directly to face.
Sunday! Sunday was a better day. The extra-strength Tylenol and Ibuprofen combo let me finish drilling fence post holes, play hockey, and thoroughly enjoy Dana’s cousin’s engagement party. Yes, high times. By Monday I was back at work and even back at the gym though with Captain Tylenol and Admiral Ibuprofen off the port bow. The long and short of it: getting your wisdom teeth out sucks but better to do it when you’re young and able to heal quickly than when you’re old and your body’s on the fence of whether to fight for recovery or throw in the towel. See that? Wisdom.