I like kids, honestly I do. But, after listening to my neighbour’s children howl, cry, and whine through their open windows while I was working in my backyard, I’ve had enough and need to take action. I figure one of two things is going to happen: either I’m going to knock on my neighbour’s door and dole out a lesson on good parenting with my Two-by-Four of Learning, or I’ll focus my energy into coming up with a creative solution to an age-old problem. And so, after consulting the Criminal Code of Canada, I am pleased to introduce the child soother or “Choother.”
Get the flu. No, not the flu shot, the flu. Go make out with that sick person who insists on coming into your office brimming with disease. Stop washing your hands and reach out to as many people as you can with those dirty little digits. Grab onto grandma and hold her extra close when she gives you a big hug that leaves you smelling of lavender and B.O. The next time someone sneezes, take as deep a breath as possible and see if you can position yourself with your mouth open in case they have one or two more to fire out.