Augustus the Office Hero

Everyone who’s ever worked in an office anywhere in the world knows an office hero. This is the guy or gal who brags about how many hours they worked last night/week/weekend, how little sleep they need, how much coffee they drink by 9am, how they saved a company huge dollars, how much willpower they have to work while sick, and a plethora of other feats that no mere mortal could ever seemingly accomplish. I have the distinct pleasure of working across from our office hero (we’ll call him Augustus) who drives me and my cubicle-mate crazy with his endless stream of bluster and bullshit. What makes it even worse is that Augustus is also a work conduit (where deliverables move through him but are never actually completed by him) and manipulator (where he talks out of both sides of his mouth and has an answer for everything to always be seen in the best possible light). So when my cubicle-mate and I put our thoughts together on a project delivery approach, he quickly reviewed our work and indicated this was the direction he was already headed in. Oh really? Because all signs indicate you haven’t done anything around this. But, being the work conduit he is, Augustus bastardized our work and passed it off as his own in a meeting with management. Fortunately, a number of the management team know who really did the work. Not that this didn’t create fires we had to put out thanks to our office hero.